1. Patton Oswalt Wait, there's a Republican debate on CNN at 5pm PST? Well, well, well... #livetweet
    2012-02-22 20:35:04 on Twitter
  2. Patton Oswalt Brilliant column by @thelarrydoyle about the walking sump pump that is Nancy Grace: http://t.co/2ISPcTEC
    2012-02-22 06:35:32 on Twitter
  3. Patton Oswalt Steven Goldstein, in today's NYTimes: "Frankly, I don't think Chris Christie has an antigay bone in his body." Twitter: (cracks knuckles)
    2012-02-21 20:30:28 on Twitter
  4. Patton Oswalt Holy shit, it's TRUE! http://t.co/lvw4APBb
    2012-02-21 20:25:28 on Twitter
  5. Patton Oswalt Gonna have a "Dahmer Breakfast": egg white omelet, wheat toast, fruit & coffee. Oh, and a side of penis bacon.
    2012-02-21 19:00:28 on Twitter
  6. Patton Oswalt Wow. Thank you, Caleb Madison. And @will_shortz. #nytimes
    2012-02-21 08:05:28 on Twitter
  7. Patton Oswalt Know what's getting me over my post-DOWNTON letdown? The hilarious horror show that is EAST BOUND AND DOWN. #onedownforanother
    2012-02-21 05:55:28 on Twitter
  8. Patton Oswalt Nothing rhymes with "month" except "cunt" said with a lisp.
    2012-02-21 04:00:27 on Twitter
  9. Patton Oswalt Passive-aggressive dick in front of me at Astro Burger seems to think they'll lower the prices just for him if he sighs loud enough.
    2012-02-21 02:30:27 on Twitter
  10. Patton Oswalt Go to @scharpling's feed NOW -- he's sitting 2 tables over from Gov. Christie at a Starbucks and he's live Tweeting it. Amazing.
    2012-02-20 22:40:26 on Twitter
  11. Patton Oswalt According to Longfellow's poem "Evangeline", Philadelphia is the "City That Molests Dryads." (Part II, Canto V)
    2012-02-20 21:55:28 on Twitter
  12. Patton Oswalt "Don't cry, dear. We'll make our OWN little flash-mob." -- from Hans Christian Anderson's THE CULTURE JAMMER NO ONE WOULD PLAY WITH.
    2012-02-20 19:50:25 on Twitter
  13. Patton Oswalt I...can't believe it's over. Oh God, it's really over. Need more scotch. See you guys next year. #DowntonPBS
    2012-02-20 08:55:25 on Twitter
  14. Patton Oswalt My "household wants" chart just says, "MORE DOWNTON ABBEY." #behindthescenes #DowntonPBS
    2012-02-20 08:55:25 on Twitter
  15. Patton Oswalt Yes, I know Thomas, erm..."winds his watch widdershins", if I may be so bold. But Edith is the proto-faghag. #DowntonPBS
    2012-02-20 08:50:25 on Twitter
  16. Patton Oswalt Weirdly, Thomas and Edith would be a horribly perfect couple. #servantsball #DowntonPBS
    2012-02-20 08:45:25 on Twitter
  17. Patton Oswalt Just saying -- the first Hercule Poirot novel is set in 1920. Lord Grantham should hire him to clear Bates. #DowntonPBS
    2012-02-20 08:35:25 on Twitter
  18. Patton Oswalt I can't Tweet this enough: I love Maggie Smith. #DowntonPBS
    2012-02-20 08:20:25 on Twitter
  19. Patton Oswalt Good on you, Patmore! Manipulating the spirit world to do good! #DowntonPBS
    2012-02-20 08:15:25 on Twitter
  20. Patton Oswalt "Find a cowboy..." Yes! Season 3 -- Mary meets Deke Thornton from THE WILD BUNCH, brings him back to Downton, and...SQUIBS! #DowntonPBS
    2012-02-20 08:10:25 on Twitter
  21. Patton Oswalt "I can't wait to see the kiss-off." -- @TrueCrimeDiary, just now, after Lord Grantham rose to her defense. #DowntonPBS
    2012-02-20 08:10:25 on Twitter
  22. Patton Oswalt "I don't often feel selfless. But when I listen to you I do." O'Brien vs. Thomas in a bitch-off. Thunderdome! #DowntonPBS
    2012-02-20 08:00:25 on Twitter
  23. Patton Oswalt Oh. God. NO. #DowntonPBS
    2012-02-20 07:55:25 on Twitter
  24. Patton Oswalt Oh heavens! Couldn't PBS have bleeped O'Brien saying, "Bitch"? #DowntonPBS
    2012-02-20 07:50:26 on Twitter
  25. Patton Oswalt Wait -- what if the Ouija Board contacts the dead Turk? #DowntonPBS
    2012-02-20 07:45:24 on Twitter
  26. Patton Oswalt NO SHOES in front of the Dowager Countess? Why don't you just whip your Johnson out and sing, "Danny Boy"? #DowntonPBS
    2012-02-20 07:40:25 on Twitter